She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
