Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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