in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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