I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
