Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Acid is not a monday night drug
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
