Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
