Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you had me at cake vodka
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
