How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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