Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
