Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
