mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
