she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
