I skipped work to stalk him.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
