you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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