no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
