i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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