508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I love having hate sex.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
