Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
