I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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