I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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