Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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