So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
