You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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