Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
