Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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