if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize