Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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