i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize