I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
