Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
