The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
