The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
