OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
