today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
