I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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