She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
