420 ftw
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
