he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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