I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
