my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
