I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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