I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Can I color on your dick again?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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