i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wear drunk well.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
