just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
