so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
