Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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