Sponge bath it is.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
