So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We just shotgunned beers for America
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
