There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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