Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
