He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
