That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
