I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
