did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Vodka?
Forever.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
