well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
