$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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