Whod you bang
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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