Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
