Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
