ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
