My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
sarcasm needs its own font
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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