Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
