I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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