I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
