haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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