also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
