There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
