life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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