pop tarts are not kleenex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im part way to drunk.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize