Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
