a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
