So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
