im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
