Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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