There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
