If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
