Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
