is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
