He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
