Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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