____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
