Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
