forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
