Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
