Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
