I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
