Tell her she can't have a vagina
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just found a bag of teeth...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
