Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
