I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
