his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
