mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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